my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
