Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
