She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
