I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
