Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
