Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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