the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I think a kid would responsible me up
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Randomize
