Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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