OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
