I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
this just has baby written all over it
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
