nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
