Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Found your dick twin last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
