I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
