Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
