My friends, they love my intelligence
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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