i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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