i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
