Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
