so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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