my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
