Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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