I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize