Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
