she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
