dude i'm inner monologue high
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
We have started to decorate penises.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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