she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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