Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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