Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
