toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
