I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
