Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
