How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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