You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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