i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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