woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
