I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
