i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
