you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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