Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I am spending my child support on dildos
false alarm. still invincible.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
