got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Randomize
