i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
