you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
