these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
