There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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