don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
