bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
