There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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