There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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