just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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