Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
